Here’s a statement that I’ve been telling a lot of people lately:

"Difficulty never goes away. That can't change. But your perception of the difficulty can."

You've heard things like:

• Think glass half full.

• It's not partly cloudy. It's partly sunny.

• If he brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.

And these are all well and good.

But sometimes, life sucks.

A real-life example

Last weekend, my wife and I were closing on our new house.

We got coffee. We got excited. We went to sign our papers and pick up our keys.

But when it came time to confirm the wire transfer of our down payment, the money was missing.

Cue heart in throat.

The largest transaction I'd ever done was missing.

Luckily for us, it all worked out. We got the funds in the right place, and we got our keys a few hours later. Human error delayed our happiness a bit.

Was it difficult? Yep.

The team we hired was earning our business. They were getting it done.

But I was having a mini-freak out.

So, I rocked a bit of self-talk.

"You're here to begin with because you're getting an awesome house."

Translation: I got to have that problem.

Don't get me wrong. I'm human. The F up wasn't on our side. It was a silly mistake that resulted in some tense hours.

Without this self-talk, though, I would have been one pissed dude.

There's being upset, and then there's losing one's mind.

Telling myself I got to have the problem kept me from going crazy.

And that's the deal. Having problems isn't fun.

But they can be empowering.

No matter what the difficulty, you have two choices:

1. Play victim

2. Move forward

Everybody has problems. But if you tell yourself you get to have them, you'll be handling yours like a champ.

Here's how to adopt this mentality as your default.

1. Understand it's a requirement to be successful

Think of someone you respect who you think is wildly successful.

Now ask yourself, "Would I respect them if their path was easy?"

Nope.

Whoever you're thinking of, they adopted this mentality a long time ago.

They saw problems as opportunities, and then they did something about it.

2. Know your role

Problems are unavoidable, but they can be mitigated.

If you look at every terrible thing or annoyance as something that happens to you, you're not acknowledging your ability to change it.

That's being a victim.

Complicity should be top of mind.

• Did you say yes too often?

• Did you go in with a proper attitude?

• Did you ignore the toxicity?

• Were you people-pleasing?

• Did you do your homework?

These are questions that will help you understand your role and the level of control you have.

The more responsibility you take, the less your life will feel problematic.

3. Set boundaries

2022 was a hard year for me. I said yes to everything, and I played victim a lot.

Then I started asking myself the right questions. And in a couple of weeks, I was moving forward versus wallowing in self-pity.

How? I did a bunch of little things. Here are a few:

• I didn't look at my phone until Noon

• I stopped drinking

• I trusted my people

• I evaluated my relationships and cut out toxic people

• I journaled every day and read every day

• I blocked my schedule to avoid disruption

4. Seek community

One of the best ways you can stop playing victim and start moving forward is by surrounding yourself with other people who do the same.

It's hard out there. Life ain't easy.

And people are more likely to succeed when they have a community supporting them.

When I started this newsletter, I reached out to people who had supported me in the past.

These people helped me get over difficulties like:

• Imposter syndrome

• Writer's block

• My high standards

• Perfectionism

Get people rooting for you, and the difficulties will feel less difficult.

You've got this. Don't forget that.

Problems are constant. But they aren't happening to you.

You're no victim.

Nope.

You get to have these problems.

Now move forward.

The struggle is real

Systems and resources I'm using right now to improve 1% every day.

I'm a Webflow disciple. It's what my website is built on. Get started for free. Need help designing a site? Let's just call it a hobby of mine. Book with me here to chat about it.

Want to start your own newsletter? beehiiv is the best place to get started. And it's completely free.